BRYCE HARPER is the 19-year-old Washington Nationals prospect who just got called up to the Major Leagues. But apparently his slow-pitch softball skills still need some work.

There’s a new video on YouTube of Harper playing softball next to the Washington Monument in D.C. on Monday. And his first swing is a total WHIFF.

Eventually he crushes one to deep right field. But he doesn’t run to first base, so the guy with the camera calls him “rookie” and tells him to “hustle.”

Once you’re in your 50s, MMA cage-fighting is pretty much out of the question, right? Well, not for THIS guy: On Saturday, a 53-year-old named Tim Karaker went to an MMA even in Kankakee, Illinois. (–That’s about an hour south of Chicago.)

He was SUPPOSED to be there just to watch, but apparently the event was down a fighter, and someone asked him at the door if he’d fight a 21-year-old guy named Brandon Frey. And he AGREED.

The fight only lasted one round, and ended in a TKO. Because Karaker . . . the 53-year-old . . . knocked Frey down and started wailing on him.

After the fight, the guy who posted the video on YouTube asked Karaker how old he was. He said, quote, “I’ll be 54″ . . . and the guy told him he’s his new hero.

Evidently, you can now sue companies for causing dangerous levels of awesomeness.

52-year-old Henry Wolf filed a lawsuit against BMW in San Francisco last week . . . because he claims riding their motorcycle has left him in a state of arousal for the past 20 MONTHS.

It’s not that he loves the bike that much. It’s because a four-hour ride on his 1993 model cycle compressed nerves in his groin and left him with a case of priapism.

Priapism is the condition they always warn you about in those commercials for Viagra or Cialis . . . you know: A state of arousal that last for more than four hours. But in Henry’s case, it’s lasted for nearly TWO YEARS.

Henry’s suing for more than $25,000 for lost wages, medical expenses, and damages, because the problem has left him impotent.

But BMW says Henry wasn’t using the original seat that came with the motorcycle. Henry’s also suing the company that made the seat.

(WBTV)

The website EverythingIsTerrible tracked down a hilarious self-defense video from the ’80s. It’s a karate instructor named Lou Casamassa showing women how to prevent a sexual assault.

A few of his tips include grossing out your attacker by drooling on yourself, burping, and passing gas . . . because, quote, “the smell may drive him away.”

Then a woman shows how to bite off a guy’s Weenis, Just in case you need to. She uses a cucumber instead of the real thing.
(may not be work friendly, so watch with caution)

Remember yesterday I you about 47-year-old Debbie Stevens of West Islip, New York. She donated her kidney to save her BOSS’S LIFE . . . then got FIRED.

She filed a complaint with the state human rights commission, saying she was only hired for her kidney.

And now she’s taking it even further . . . and says she wants her kidney BACK.

That’s going to be tough, though. Because Debbie’s kidney didn’t ACTUALLY go into her boss, 61-year-old Jackie Brucia.

It went to a patient in St. Louis who was a better match. And because of that, Jackie rocketed up the national donation list, and got a kidney from a donor in San Francisco.

Jackie’s also claiming she didn’t trick Debbie into taking a job just for a kidney. In an interview yesterday, Jackie said, quote, “I will always be grateful that she gave me a kidney. I have nothing bad to say about her.”

(New York Post)

The dumbest new video online might be one called “Frog Sitting on a Bench Like a Human”. For some reason, it’s racking up hit after hit on YouTube. Looks pretty easy being green to me, YEAHHHHH, GOOD ONE HOTSHOT!!!!