In case you missed it, Delonte West of the Dallas Mavericks got a technical foul on Monday night . . . for giving an opposing player a WET WILLY. The unlucky recipient was Gordon Hayward of the Utah Jazz.

Yesterday, Hayward said he wanted to start swinging, but knew HE’D get a technical if he started a fight. He added that he, quote, “got the last laugh,” because the Jazz ended up beating the Mavericks 123 to 121 in triple overtime.

Gawd I wish Hayward would have given a windmill backhand to West. How you can let another man treat you like a total bitch is beyond me. Guess that’s the type of men we are breeding these days. Charles barkly circa 1986 aint lettin’ someone do that to him, young guys these days have become so soft, I can’t take it.

A new music video on YouTube is being compared to Rebecca Black’s “Friday” . . . but it might be even WORSE. It’s called “Hot Problems”, and features two girls singing about all the problems they have even though they’re “good looking.”

The chorus goes, quote, “Hot girls, we have problems too. We’re just like you . . . except we’re hot.” And just to be clear, when I say they “SING”, that’s technically true. They just sing REALLY badly.

The Titanic hit an iceberg 100 years ago. If it hadn’t been there, the Titanic would’ve been fine, right? Let’s hear a theory on THAT from one of America’s foremost philosophical resources . . . the Twitter feed of JOSE CANSECO.

Here’s a chronological rundown of his stream-of-consciousness Twitter rant from Saturday night on how global warming could’ve prevented the Titanic disaster. And yes, it’s not clear he knows the difference between an iceberg and an icicle.

Quote, “Titanic 100 years wow. Global warming could’ve saved Titanic. Sad to say.

“Because we don’t recycle and consume like crazy, icicles are nonexistent. Titanic would’ve still existed today.

“That ['Saturday Night Live'] is very funny.

“You clowns it’s very simple. With global warming the weather is hotter so the icebergs would be melted and Titanic saved.

“100 years ago people actually cared about planet and respected nature. Now we can care less and consume energy like it’s free.

“Titanic reminds me of the days I had two yachts in Miami but no icicles.

“I had a bat I named Titanic. It was biggest Rawlings ever made and beautiful and unbreakable. Don’t know where Titanic is now.”

Between 30 and 40 fans are kicked out of the average NFL game, for being drunk, fighting, or other types of disorderly conduct.      

And now, it’s going to be tougher for them to get back in.  Fans thrown out of a stadium will have to take a four-hour online anger-management course that costs $75.         

The course includes topics on the risk factors of alcohol abuse, skills for improving judgment, stress management, and, quote, “understanding the effect one has on the fan experience.”  It was designed by a licensed psychotherapist.

At the end of the course, they’ll be given a psychological test before they’re allowed to attend another game.  And they have to get 70% of the questions right to pass. 

If they DON’T take the class and go to the stadium anyway, they can be arrested by security guards for trespassing.  The Patriots, Jets, and Giants have had the policy since 2010, but the entire league will use it for the first time this season.

(NY Post)

Police in Potomac, Maryland found evidence on surveillance video that led them to suspect that two February robberies at a CVS drugstore were an inside job.

The robber left the store, and then the store manager ran out into the parking lot after him . . . to give him the BAG of MONEY he’d accidentally LEFT BEHIND.

Police announced on Thursday that they’d arrested 35-year-old store manager Fenton Graham and his girlfriend’s 53-year-old father, Michael Cooke.

Michael actually performed the robberies, which both occurred while Fenton was working. In the first, Michael pistol-whipped the other employee working at the time and had Fenton tie him up.

Police arrested Fenton back on February 14th. They tracked down Michael in Las Vegas earlier this month. The girlfriend also got arrested for obstruction.

(Washington Post)

MOTLEY CRUE singer VINCE NEIL fell hard while performing “Girls Girls Girls” in Vegas over the weekend . . . but he had an excellent recovery plan.

While he was on the floor of the stage . . . he made a smooth move to slide over to some girls in the front row of the crowd, and when he got there, they promptly began dancing in his lap.