We’ve seen people get DUIs on riding lawn mowers before. We’ve seen DUIs for people on horseback. We’ve seen DUIs in golf carts. But this one is a first.

Apparently, you can get a DUI for floating drunk on an inflatable raft.

On Sunday night, 32-year-old William Modene of Juneau, Alaska was floating down a river in Fairbanks, Alaska in a blow-up raft. He was MASSIVELY drunk. So state troopers tracked him down.

He blew a .313 in the breathalyzer . . . almost four times the legal limit of .08. It starts getting dangerous and potentially lethal at around .40, so this guy was closer to DEAD than SOBER.

Under Alaskan law, you can get a DUI for, quote, “navigating a vessel used or capable of being used as a means of transportation” in the water. They felt like his inflatable raft counted, and arrested him.

(Fairbanks Daily News Miner)

A drunk guy led police on a high-speed chase in Houston on Wednesday. And he was in a SMART CAR. Now there’s video online.

The 49-year-old driver’s name is David Wheaton, and he reportedly reached 92 miles an hour . . . which is impressive, because a Smart car’s top speed is SUPPOSED to be 90.

Wheaton ended up leading the cops to his house, where they arrested him. It’s the third time he’s been thrown in jail for driving while intoxicated.

Little Baby’s Ice Cream is based in Philadelphia, and they just released the freakiest ice cream ad EVER.

First of all, the voiceover is like something out of a horror movie. But the whole ad is just a guy covered in vanilla ice cream, staring into the camera wide-eyed, and using a spoon to eat ice cream out of his own head.

Ricky Berens was one of the U.S. swimmers who won Gold in the four-by-200-meter freestyle relay on Tuesday. And while his teammates like MICHAEL PHELPS and RYAN LOCHTE still had races left, that was Ricky’s final Olympic event.

So he decided to celebrate all those years of training and eating healthy by going to McDonald’s, and ordering a TON of crap.

He ordered two Quarter Pounders with cheese, one Big Mac, one six-piece McNuggets, two medium fries, and a Rolo McFlurry. Surprisingly, that’s only about 3,330 calories worth of food . . . it sounds like it should be a lot more.

He tweeted a photo beforehand . . . and after, he admitted he couldn’t finish it all.

(Yahoo Sports)

Did this guy REALLY think this was a better option than getting arrested?

Around 8:00 A.M. on Tuesday, police in Modesto, California were called in because a man was blocking traffic. He ran from them and found the best hiding spot available . . . A SEPTIC TANK behind a motel.

That’s right. He crawled through a hole in the ground into a septic tank FILLED with human waste and who knows what else, up to his SHOULDERS, because THAT seemed better than talking to the police.

The cops eventually figured out he’d gone down there, and tried to rescue him . . . but he refused. Finally he told them he’d only leave the tank if his MOTHER told him to. (–His age wasn’t released.)

The cops called his mom, put her on speaker, and she talked him into letting the cops use a rope to pull him up. Once they got him up, he refused to be hosed off.

And after all that . . . the police decided not to arrest him. Instead, they released him to his stepfather, who promised to take him to a hospital to make sure he didn’t contract a disease from swimming in human waste.

(Modesto Bee)

A video from last weekend’s Grand Am Rolex Series race in Indianapolis is making the rounds online right now.

It’s shot from right behind one of the pit crews, and shows some woman who obviously wasn’t paying attention. Because she’s standing right next to the car, trying to take a picture of it after it pulled in for a pit stop.

And the guys on the crew knock her to the ground when they run in to change the tires.

Wanna see which olympic athlete your body most resembles? Find out using the BBC’s fun Olympic Athlete Body Match. Don’t worry, SUMO isn’t an olympic event.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19050139