Did this guy REALLY think this was a better option than getting arrested?

Around 8:00 A.M. on Tuesday, police in Modesto, California were called in because a man was blocking traffic. He ran from them and found the best hiding spot available . . . A SEPTIC TANK behind a motel.

That’s right. He crawled through a hole in the ground into a septic tank FILLED with human waste and who knows what else, up to his SHOULDERS, because THAT seemed better than talking to the police.

The cops eventually figured out he’d gone down there, and tried to rescue him . . . but he refused. Finally he told them he’d only leave the tank if his MOTHER told him to. (–His age wasn’t released.)

The cops called his mom, put her on speaker, and she talked him into letting the cops use a rope to pull him up. Once they got him up, he refused to be hosed off.

And after all that . . . the police decided not to arrest him. Instead, they released him to his stepfather, who promised to take him to a hospital to make sure he didn’t contract a disease from swimming in human waste.

(Modesto Bee)

A video from last weekend’s Grand Am Rolex Series race in Indianapolis is making the rounds online right now.

It’s shot from right behind one of the pit crews, and shows some woman who obviously wasn’t paying attention. Because she’s standing right next to the car, trying to take a picture of it after it pulled in for a pit stop.

And the guys on the crew knock her to the ground when they run in to change the tires.

Wanna see which olympic athlete your body most resembles? Find out using the BBC’s fun Olympic Athlete Body Match. Don’t worry, SUMO isn’t an olympic event.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-19050139

A lot of Americans think badminton is a pretty lame Olympic sport. And THIS isn’t going to change their minds.

Badminton has a preliminary round . . . like basketball . . . to decide which teams go to the medal round. It also determines the seedings for the medal round.

But by their last preliminary match on Tuesday, four women’s doubles teams had already clinched a spot in the medal round: Two from South Korea, one from Indonesia, and the defending world champions from China.

And they all figured that they’d face an easier opponent to open the medal round if they LOST their last preliminary match.

So, all four teams went out and tried to LOSE on purpose. They hit serves into the net, and generally made no effort to win. Even worse, two of the teams were playing EACH OTHER . . . which resulted in an incredibly lame match.

And the fans in the arena figured it out. They started booing and demanded a refund.

Yesterday, Olympic officials sent all four teams HOME.

The disqualified teams were Wang Xiaoli and Yu Yang of China . . . the current world champions . . . Greysia Polii and Meiliana Jauhari of Indonesia, Jung Kyung Eun and Kim Ha Na of South Korea, and Ha Jung Eun and Kim Min Jung of South Korea.

The Chinese Olympic delegation said it “fully respects” the decision to punish its two players and said it would carry out its own investigation. The South Koreans and Indonesians are appealing the decision.

(NY Times)

(–Here’s some video of the teams’ performance. They hit serves directly into the net at :45, and the judges give them a warning at 1:09)

Take your pick on who the dumbass is here. ABC for pulling (no pun intended) Fred Willard’s new show, or Fred Willard for getting himself in to a sticky (sorry I can’t stop with the puns) situation. I understand PBS’s reaction, but come on ABC, let the guy do his show that you clearly liked because you green-lit it. No one cares about this, and if anything, people would watch just BECAUSE of Fred Willard.

ABC has decided to pull the two remaining episodes of FRED WILLARD’S improv comedy show, “Trust Us with Your Life”. It’s a response to Fred’s arrest earlier this month, after he was caught pleasuring himself in a porno theater.

Reruns of “Wipeout” will air in place of “Trust Us with Your Life”.

Fred previously lost his gig as the narrator of the PBS show “Market Warriors” . . . even though he has insisted that he didn’t do anything wrong, and that his side of the story is “much more PG” than what we’ve heard.

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LIONEL RICHIE teamed up with JIMMY BUFFETT to perform Lionel’s hit “All Night Long” at a gig in Detroit on Saturday night. (–It was Jimmy’s show, but he invited Lionel to open for him.)

Lionel originally released the song in 1983 . . . and he re-released it earlier this year on his new album “Tuskegee”. That version features Jimmy and his band, and Jimmy has been performing it at his recent shows.

Marty Reid is a NASCAR commentator on ESPN, and when he was introducing his co-commentator’s the other day, he totally BLANKED.

He was introducing former driver, crew chief, and owner Andy Petree during the pre-race coverage of the Nationwide Race at Indianapolis on Saturday.

But all he could come up with was, quote, “I know who you are.” Followed by some awkward laughter.