Mission 26 The Big Endeavour from Givot on Vimeo.

Michael Ferns is a high school senior in St. Clairsville, Ohio and a running back for the football team. He has a scholarship to play at the University of Michigan next year . . . and he has 11 touchdowns this season. (–St. Clairsville is 130 miles south of Cleveland.)

Two Fridays ago, in the fourth quarter of a game that St. Clairsville won 56-27, Michael got the ball and seemed to be headed for his twelfth touchdown. He ran 52 yards down the sideline, with no one on the other team in position to stop him.

But then Michael slowed down and STEPPED out of bounds at the one-yard line. The referees were so surprised that they initially signaled for a touchdown. But Michael and his teammates successfully argued that he DIDN’T really score. Here’s why . . .

On the next play, the team gave the ball . . . and the touchdown . . . to Logan Thompson, a freshman who rarely gets to play. Logan’s father died two days before the game . . . and the team decided to give him a chance to score a touchdown for his dad.

(Yahoo!)

You know times are tough when THIS is the type of question we’re asking: How much money would it take for you to dunk your head in a five-gallon bucket of other people’s PEE?

How about $450? Because that’s what one Cleveland Browns fan pocketed for doing it at a tailgate this weekend. And the video of it is on YouTube.

Just to be clear, this was a tailgate BEFORE the Browns-Bengals game. So right after he does it, he starts squirting hand sanitizer all over his head . . . because he still had to go sit through an entire football game.

(–And he probably smelled like a toilet anyway. Maybe it was good luck though, because the Browns managed to beat the Bengals 34 to 24, and win their first game of the season. They’re now 1 and 5.)

(–He does it at 2:29, and grabs the hand sanitizer at 2:40. At :45, he says his wife is going to kill him if he does it, and his friends promise she won’t find out. Around 1:20, some random guy tries to one-up him and offers to do it for $200.)

WARNING: It really is disgusting, reading about it should be just fine for you, but if you must. Here is the video

One day, political correctness is going to make Christmas disappear. Here’s the latest. A Canadian woman named Pamela McColl is pushing a new version of “The Night Before Christmas” . . . that takes out references to Santa’s PIPE SMOKING.

(–The original poem is actually called “A Visit From St. Nicholas”. But if I called it that, you wouldn’t know what I was talking about. Sort of like how “Baba O’Riley” is now “Teenage Wasteland”.)

Toward the end of the poem, there are two lines about Santa that say, quote, “The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth. And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.” McColl wiped those two lines out with no replacements.

She says, quote, “Santa has stopped smoking, and 2012 is the year he quit. There’s nothing anyone can do about it.” She’s spent $200,000 of her own money self-publishing 55,500 copies of her new version of the poem.

Obviously, no one’s particularly excited about her messing with a poem that was published 189 years ago, in 1823, by the poet Clement Moore.

The American Library Association said, quote, “It’s denying access to the original voice of the author, and that’s censorship.”

(New York Post)

Remember the TANNING MOM from earlier this year? We just found her a husband. A photo has been going around online of a bodybuilder from a competition in Europe this weekend, and his tan is AMAZING.

Amazing because his entire body is TANNER than anybody you’ve ever seen. From the neck down, you’d think he’s a black guy. But for whatever reason, he didn’t TAN HIS HEAD. So it’s totally WHITE and mismatched.

(Yahoo Sports)

The folks at PETA released their annual list of the most vegetarian-friendly stadiums in the NFL. Here’s a look at the top five:

#1.) Lincoln Financial Field . . . home of the Philadelphia Eagles: They finished first for the third year in a row. They offer spicy falafel, grilled-vegetable hoagies, hummus and pita chips . . . and something called seitan brisket. (–It’s pronounced SAY tan.)

#2.) Gillette Stadium . . . home of the New England Patriots: In addition to veggie dogs, black-bean burgers, and grilled Portobello mushroom burgers, you can get a field-green salad with herbed tofu, cranberries and nuts.

#3.) The O.co Coliseum . . . home of the Oakland Raiders: It’s better known as the Oakland Coliseum. You can get veggie fajitas . . . and vegan chocolate fondue.

#4.) The Georgia Dome . . . home of the Atlanta Falcons: They offer hummus and veggie dogs . . . but you can also get vegan sloppy Joes.

#5.) Ford Field . . . home of the Detroit Lions: They’ve got the vegan sloppy Joes too . . . and also vegan energy bars.

(PETA.org)