YOUR SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL ROUNDUP

During the commercials, there were all the usual themes: Beer, scantily-clad women, dogs, cars, dogs in cars. But there were enough new variations to make things interesting. And even though a lot of the big ads were online before the game, there were still surprises.

This isn’t in any order, but here are just SOME of my favorites . . . other winners . . . and some that just didn’t work . . .

A lot of people really liked the Kia Optima ad, where the Sandman elf dumps too much magic dust on the guy who’s dreaming . . . and he has an incredibly macho dream with all his male fantasies rolled together.

He’s driving on a NASCAR track in front of tons of hot chicks in bikinis . . . ADRIANA LIMA is waving the checkered flag . . . MOTLEY CRUE is playing “Kickstart My Heart” . . . and CHUCK LIDDELL makes a guy’s head explode in an MMA fight.

There’s also a rodeo dude riding a rhino, and two lumberjacks sawing a giant hoagie. It came late in the game, but it’s great when a commercial makes fun of all the clichés the OTHER commercials rely on. Plus it has MOTLEY GOTTDAMN CRUE in it!!!

The other car commercial I liked was the Volkswagen one, where the chubby dog has to lose weight to chase cars. But it was actually two commercials in one, so it segued into a parody of the Creature Cantina in “Star Wars”.

Darth Vader had to choke a guy who liked the dog ad BETTER than the ad from LAST year . . . where the kid dressed as Vader used the Force to start his dad’s car. (–Vader was right . . . last year’s ad was better.)

In terms of one brand really dominating, you have to go with Bud. They had a great balance between the serious and the stupid. There were two standouts: The one that took you through all the decades of fads and music since prohibition . . .

And the Bud Light one with the dog named “Weego” . . . who ran around getting beers whenever anyone said the Bud Light catchphrase, “Here We Go”.

Some people liked the one where the Great Dane KILLS a local cat . . . then used Doritos to bribe his owner not to talk about it.

I also liked the Chevy ad, where the kid graduating THOUGHT he’d gotten a car as a present . . . and flipped out. That commercial btw was shot, written, and assembled by a 26 year old from Long Island who beat out 198 other videos and 400 scripts.

OTHER WINNERS:

Car companies have always dominated the Super Bowl, except for a small dip during the height of the dot com bubble. This year they REALLY dominated, and led with the best commercials. Specifically . . .

There was the one where MATTHEW BRODERICK basically recreated “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” for the Honda CRV. That one made the news last week when they teased it.

Same with the one where JERRY SEINFELD wanted an Acura NSX so bad, he got ‘The Soup Nazi’ to actually say, “Soup for you?” The only problem was, they kept playing it over and over. And it wasn’t THAT funny, and I didn’t watch Seinfeld so it didn’t do much for me.

But even the car commercials without big-name celebrities were good . . . like the one where the Eskimo guy trades in his sled, and drives around with his sled dogs in a Suzuki Kizashi, jamming to 50 Cent.

One of the BEST ads this year took on the whole played-out tween vampire thing. That was the one where the vampire showed up with a big supply of blood to a party in the woods . . . except the LED headlights on his Audi killed all the other vampires.

Another of our favorites was the Chevy ad where the guy survived an alien invasion and the Mayan apocalypse of 2012, all because of his truck. Then he meets up with his buddies, because THEY survived TOO . . . except for the one friend who drove a Ford.

And Chrysler may have had the best ad of the entire night: The “Halftime” commercial, where CLINT EASTWOOD said it’s halftime in America, and we need to follow Detroit’s lead to overcome the, quote, “fog of division, discord, and blame.”

In all the promos for NBC shows like “Smash” and “Celebrity Apprentice”, there was a great ad for “The Voice”. It was the four hosts . . . CHRISTINA AGUILERA, BLAKE SHELTON, CEE LO GREEN, and ADAM LEVINE.

And they were all battling “Kill Bill” style to get to . . . BETTY WHITE. Who then made a joke about her cans. It’s played out, but involving her in anything is a good idea, ever since she revitalized the Super Bowl ad with Snickers in 2010.

Plus, the second season debut of “The Voice” was right after the game, so you have to admit they’re riding high. Especially compared to the hype and the letdown of SIMON COWELL and “X Factor”.

Speaking of “X Factor”, that was the winner . . . MELANIE AMARO . . . in the Pepsi commercial with ELTON JOHN, in case you didn’t recognize her. It was actually a pretty funny ad. Especially the end, with FLAVOR FLAV in the dungeon.

The other notable promo was for “America’s Got Talent”. We never thought we’d see HOWARD STERN on national television, and in American homes on a respectable show, but it’s happening.

Along with the usual crop of manly, cheesy blockbuster movie trailers . . . “GI Joe Retaliation”, “Act of Valor”, “Battleship”, and “John Carter” . . . there was one of the most anticipated movie trailers of the year: “The Avengers”. If you’re a huge nerd, it was cool to finally see The Hulk in action.

For some reason I liked the Bridgestone tire ad where Aikman threw that crazy curveball (with a football) and Deion got pissed.

Finally, Downy had a good ad during the pre-game show. It was a parody of Coke’s famous “Mean” Joe Greene commercial from 1980. Only this time, Amy Sedaris gave him a Downy spray, he gave her his dirty jersey . . . and she threw it back at him.

(Oh, and WILL FERRELL did an ad for Old Milwaukee . . . but it only aired in Nebraska?)

THE BAD:

GoDaddy.com commercials always seem to look cheap, no matter how much money they spend. And as sexy as they try to be, they don’t come anywhere CLOSE to that awesome Fiat commercial, where the hot model flirted with a coffee-drinking nerd.

The talking E*TRADE baby is just getting old. The Super Bowl is a good time for companies to unleash something new or edgy, not rehash the same tired ideas.

Coke went with a whole line of its animated polar bears. Someone needs to tell Coke that it’s time to move on from them. it’s not Christmas, it’s the Super Bowl. Even Bud had to part ways with Spuds McKenzie, do it Coke.

Which means Pepsi continues its streak of actually making BETTER Super Bowl ads than Coke. They continued this year with the theme of the Pepsi worker who gets busted buying Coke. This time, REGIS PHILBIN showed up to congratulate him.

Century 21 . . . featuring such rock star celebrities as DONALD TRUMP, DEION SANDERS, and APOLO OHNO. What’s not to like? All of it.

Hulu Plus? What is it? And why is WILL ARNETT their spokesman? On the one hand, he’s one of the funniest guys on TV. On the other hand, they went with a big ad buy, and no one I was with really loved it.

The Samsung Galaxy did a decent fourth quarter knock on the people who wait in lines at Apple. The problem is, it was all centered around “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by The Darkness. A newer song, or an earlier quarter maybe?

See ya next year!