One day, political correctness is going to make Christmas disappear. Here’s the latest. A Canadian woman named Pamela McColl is pushing a new version of “The Night Before Christmas” . . . that takes out references to Santa’s PIPE SMOKING.

(–The original poem is actually called “A Visit From St. Nicholas”. But if I called it that, you wouldn’t know what I was talking about. Sort of like how “Baba O’Riley” is now “Teenage Wasteland”.)

Toward the end of the poem, there are two lines about Santa that say, quote, “The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth. And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath.” McColl wiped those two lines out with no replacements.

She says, quote, “Santa has stopped smoking, and 2012 is the year he quit. There’s nothing anyone can do about it.” She’s spent $200,000 of her own money self-publishing 55,500 copies of her new version of the poem.

Obviously, no one’s particularly excited about her messing with a poem that was published 189 years ago, in 1823, by the poet Clement Moore.

The American Library Association said, quote, “It’s denying access to the original voice of the author, and that’s censorship.”

(New York Post)

Remember the TANNING MOM from earlier this year? We just found her a husband. A photo has been going around online of a bodybuilder from a competition in Europe this weekend, and his tan is AMAZING.

Amazing because his entire body is TANNER than anybody you’ve ever seen. From the neck down, you’d think he’s a black guy. But for whatever reason, he didn’t TAN HIS HEAD. So it’s totally WHITE and mismatched.

(Yahoo Sports)

The folks at PETA released their annual list of the most vegetarian-friendly stadiums in the NFL. Here’s a look at the top five:

#1.) Lincoln Financial Field . . . home of the Philadelphia Eagles: They finished first for the third year in a row. They offer spicy falafel, grilled-vegetable hoagies, hummus and pita chips . . . and something called seitan brisket. (–It’s pronounced SAY tan.)

#2.) Gillette Stadium . . . home of the New England Patriots: In addition to veggie dogs, black-bean burgers, and grilled Portobello mushroom burgers, you can get a field-green salad with herbed tofu, cranberries and nuts.

#3.) The O.co Coliseum . . . home of the Oakland Raiders: It’s better known as the Oakland Coliseum. You can get veggie fajitas . . . and vegan chocolate fondue.

#4.) The Georgia Dome . . . home of the Atlanta Falcons: They offer hummus and veggie dogs . . . but you can also get vegan sloppy Joes.

#5.) Ford Field . . . home of the Detroit Lions: They’ve got the vegan sloppy Joes too . . . and also vegan energy bars.

(PETA.org)

We hear about criminals hiding drugs in their rectums all the time. We NEVER hear about any of them who are willing to do something THIS disgusting.

Yesterday morning, police raided 26-year-old Anthony Leopold Rowe’s home in Easton, Pennsylvania. Anthony was a known drug dealer who had a felony arrest warrant for selling heroin.

When the cops arrived, Anthony’s first instinct was, of course, to jam as many drugs into his rectum as he could. For some reason he decided to shove his marijuana up there and leave his heroin out.

Then, as Anthony ran from the police, he did something you just don’t usually see . . . he took the marijuana OUT of his no-go hole and started EATING IT.

The police caught him before he could swallow all of it. He was charged with several crimes for heroin and marijuana possession, and also for tampering with evidence.

One final note: This all went down as Anthony was wearing a t-shirt that looks like a fake cardigan and bowtie, with a nametag that says, quote, “Sexy and I know it.” Nothing about his morning was sexy. Nothing.

(Allentown Morning Call)

Five Guys Burgers and Fries is the fastest growing restaurant chain in the U.S. It’s doubled its number of American locations since 2009 . . . while doubling the size of plenty of Americans in the process. And clearly we’re okay with that.

In a new nationwide survey, Five Guys was named America’s favorite burger chain. It beat out the chain that USUALLY wins the survey, even though it’s only in a few states . . . In-N-Out Burger.

Fuddruckers came in third, A&W came in fourth, and Smashburger came in fifth.

On the other end, Dairy Queen was named America’s least-favorite burger chain. Although if you’re going to Dairy Queen for burgers and not their BRILLIANT ice cream creations, that’s your fault.

Jack in the Box came in second-to-last. McDonald’s was third from the bottom, Hardee’s/Carl’s Junior was fourth, and Burger King was fifth-to-last.

(PR Web / Forbes)